"If knowing answers to life's questions is absolutely necesary to you, then forget the journey. You will never make it, for this is a journey of unknowables, or unanswered questions, engimas, incomprehensibles, and most of all things unfair" Madame Jeanne Guyon quote from Amazing Collections.
Currently with the women's ministry at our church we are studying the poetic books of the Old Testament. That is Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes and Song of Solomon. This past week we read and studied the book of Job. Not the most exciting book to read but very eye openning. During the book study I came across the quote above and just loved it. The Christian life is truely a journey. There are highs, and lows, twists and turns, screeching halts and pressing of the gas pedal. It is a journey that I think if we knew what we would face along the way we would not have chosen that path, but once at the end of the path we look back see that we are stronger, faster, more secure, more loving, humble and may I say refined. As I studied the book of Job, I could not help but think back on my "Job-like" times in my life. I think back to when I was in 4th grade and I could not figure out why I was so stupid. I think about in high school when at cheerleading camp, four girls tried out to cheer at the Macey's Day parade and only three got it, I was the fourth girl. I think back to college falling in love and planning a future with someone who in the end, told me I just wasnt good enough or godly enough for him and broke up with me...in an email. I then think about being on church staff for the first time and being hit on by the minister that was suppose to be mentoring me. I think about December 2004 when my family's world was rocked with the most heart wrenching, faith challenging time in our lives, when God chose to take Tucker home to be with Him. Then most recently I think about the year and half we struggled to concieve a child, the weeks on bed rest and the two months our precious baby being in the NICU. Would I have chosen those paths, absolutley not! Am I glad I took these paths yes.
Yet, I am lucky, God has shown me a glimpse of His plan in allowing me to see why I had to go through these struggles. Because I had a learning disability in fourth grade, it made me a more patient and understanding teacher. As for the Macey's Day parade, that year New York had a record snow, on the day of the parade.brrrrrrrrrrr! Why did that guy I was so in love with not want me... because God had already created and was preparing the most wonderful man in the world for me to marry and be the father of my child. (I love you Adam). Just recently, a friend of mine had a miscarraige and I was able to both sympathize and empathize with her. And just this past Thursday God gave me a glimpse of why I had to endure infertility. A lady in my Bible study has a daughter who is my age and is experiencing a similar situation as I did. Will we ever truely know why God gives us trials and tribulations, I dont know, but what I do know is that "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked will I return. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord."
Ava can hold her head up now!! Each day I give Ava "Tummy Time" on her play mat. Lately she has really started holding her head up and pushing up a little with her arms!! It makes me feel good that she is right on track with her developement! Even though by the calendar she is 3 1/2 months old, by her due date she is just 6 weeks and 5 days. I will go by her due date until she is two years old! Thank you Jesus for all of the mercy and grace you have given my baby girl. Each day I look at her, I am so thankful for my little miracle baby!!
